Divorce cleaved my life into a before and after. This is how I began to move forward.

Divorce was the rupture I never expected. It didn’t just change my relationship status—it split my life into two parts: before and after. It redefined everything. My routines. My finances. My identity. It cracked me open and forced me to rebuild from the ground up.

It’s hard to explain the depth of change that comes with divorce unless you’ve lived it. It wasn’t just the end of a marriage. It was the unraveling of the future I thought I had. And for a while, I didn’t feel like myself. I wasn’t sure who “myself” even was anymore.

But piece by piece, I started to feel whole again.

These are eight things that helped me start to move on and reconnect with who I am—not who I used to be, but who I am becoming.

1. Let yourself grieve fully.

Not just the relationship, but the loss of the life you thought you were building. This process can take a lot longer than you expect—and it’s a lot more uncomfortable than you want it to be. It sucks. It just is this way, and the only way out is through. Give yourself permission to feel it, even when it’s inconvenient, messy, or painful.

2. Create new routines.

Divorce dismantles your sense of normal. Rebuilding starts with the small things—your own version of Friday night dinner, a solo Sunday morning coffee, a new bedtime routine. Just as important: carve out time for things you like to do. If you’re a solo parent with full responsibility, build in babysitting time. You need peaceful time just for yourself. It’s not selfish—it’s survival.

3. Change your space.

Even small changes helped me feel like my home belonged to me again. Paint and curtains can be low to moderate cost ways to make a big visual impact. I spent a lot of time considering paint colors after my divorce, and it made the house feel more like my own.

4. Say yes to help.

Let people support you. Whether it’s emotional support, help with logistics, or just someone to talk to—it matters. It reminds you that you’re not alone. I also recommend looking for neighborhood groups made up of people in a similar life situation. I found a group of solo moms in my community, and it has been a wonderful source of connection, support, and shared understanding.

5. Give yourself permission to be different.

You will be changed by divorce. That doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re evolving. Sometimes you learn new things about yourself through dating other people. Sometimes you discover new hobbies or fall back in love with an old one. Embracing how you’re different can actually be a lot of fun. Revel in the joy of learning something new about yourself.

6. Reconnect with joy.

Speaking of joy—make it a priority. Think about what makes you feel alive, relaxed, inspired, or even just quietly content. Find something that really makes you feel good and do more of it. Focus on bringing positive feelings into your life. Divorce is a super hard time, and it should be something you recover from by experiencing more joy, not less.

7. Drop the timeline.

There’s no right pace for healing. It can take longer than you expect. You might go through a stretch where you feel grounded and strong, and then—out of nowhere—something triggers you and knocks you sideways. Accept it and move forward. Feel the feelings, then keep going. Setbacks don’t erase progress.

8. Imagine a future again.

Start thinking ahead, even just two months into the future. What do you want to do with your time? That time is a beautiful gift. Use it in ways that fill your cup—whether that’s rest, growth, adventure, or simply peace. It doesn’t have to be big. Just start picturing something new.

Closing Thoughts

Divorce changed me in ways I’m still uncovering. It was painful, disorienting, and at times, overwhelming—but it also opened the door to a different kind of strength and clarity. Moving on hasn’t meant forgetting the past. It’s meant reclaiming my future. If you’re in the middle of your own “after,” know that it won’t always feel this raw. Keep going. There’s more life ahead—full of meaning, joy, and moments that belong entirely to you.