One of the most underrated gifts of being single is freedom. Not just the freedom to date—or not—but the deeper kind: the freedom to build a life that fits you without negotiation.

When you’re in a marriage or cohabiting relationship, every decision—big or small—tends to be filtered through the lens of partnership. What time to wake up. How to divide chores. Whether to move cities, spend money, or make a career change. None of that is inherently bad—but it’s layered. Your life becomes a shared project, which means your personal preferences often become a compromise.

Before I became single, I was in a relationship for 20 years. That’s a long time to share your life with someone. And while I wouldn’t say I felt stifled in that relationship, I didn’t feel free either. I knew compromise well. I had gotten used to the constant give-and-take, the negotiation of space and priorities, the unspoken pressure to harmonize with another person’s rhythm. What I hadn’t known was the joy of living fully on my own terms.

That’s why this stage of my life feels so different—and in many ways, so good. The day-to-day rhythm of my life is shaped by my decisions. I can be spontaneous or structured. I can rearrange the living room, switch up my morning routine, take my daughter on a last-minute adventure, or stay home and do absolutely nothing—without checking in with anyone else.

There’s power in that kind of autonomy. And it can feel good. It feels good because I’m deeply in tune with what works for me. I know how I want my home to feel. I know the kind of energy I want to carry into the week. I get to decide what balance looks like—for me and for my family.

Of course, autonomy doesn’t mean I answer to no one. I’m a parent, and parenting comes with its own set of sacrifices and constraints. My daughter’s needs shape many of my decisions—how I structure my workday, how I spend my evenings, when and how I travel. But even with those responsibilities, I still experience a tremendous sense of freedom. The choices I make for our life together are mine to make. I’m not negotiating them with a partner. I’m not compromising with another adult’s ego or schedule. And that kind of clarity feels liberating.

But freedom isn’t always light and breezy. Sometimes, it’s scary—especially right after divorce. In the beginning, it can feel overwhelming to make every decision alone. There’s no one to double-check your thinking, to weigh in on the pros and cons, to quietly share the burden of a tough call. It’s just you—and that can feel like too much. But over time, you become more confident. You realize you can trust your instincts. You get better at listening to yourself. And slowly, the fear softens. You feel less alone in your choices because you begin to feel more rooted in yourself. And the truth is, those choices—whether small or significant—belong solely to you. They’re a reflection of your values, your instincts, your vision. You live with the outcomes, yes—but you also get the pride of knowing that this life is one you’ve shaped with intention. That confidence is a gift—but it’s one that’s hard to recognize when you’re still learning how to carry the full weight of your life. Still, every time you make a hard decision on your own, you grow stronger. And eventually, that strength feels like freedom.

That’s what I carry into each day: the knowledge that I get to steer my own ship. Not always perfectly, not always confidently—but freely. And that’s a joy I never want to take for granted.